CONNECTION BEFORE CONTENT™
This week I was asked the saddest question I’ve ever heard in my 20 years of tutoring students – how we handle punitive actions with our students. I was so taken aback I wasn’t even sure what they were asking.
I was able to describe our “upside down” model that focuses on wins, celebrations and unique qualities our students have - the complete opposite of their experience and expectations of how tutoring might go.
The descriptions of what was happening in school to this student broke my heart. Being called out in front of the class, humiliated, called stupid – and worse, when asking questions of the teacher the response was often, “I already covered that” and, “it’s in your notes.” There was no welcoming of curiosity or clarification. We all know that our Teachers are under incredible stressors with large groups of students and behaviors that distract and cause chaos in the classroom – and they are tasked with getting through the content – no matter what! However, these shaming responses are not only wholly unnecessary, but they are also demeaning and soul crushing.
According to Benjamin S. Bloom of the University of Chicago and Northwestern University – in his 1984 Study, the problem he presented in his research had to do with how to make group instruction as effective as individual tutoring. He found that one-to-one tutoring increased students’ confidence and work output 2 standard deviation points! See the image below – that tall curve on the right is the huge jump 1-1 support provides. I am convinced this huge jump relates to the emotional support that individual tutoring provides.
Sitting one-on-one with our students and taking the time needed to provide personal connection – and truly to look behind the curtain of a student’s life allows for this monumental jump. The struggle in understanding the homework or concept discussed in class is often remedied quickly – and after only a few minutes of personalized attention. This is attention they aren’t getting in the classroom. Often, they are too afraid to ask their questions for fear of being shamed – driving them to silence.
So much of our education system is focused on content – first and foremost. Teaching to the state tests is so common (and is important – just not the whole picture) and with large classroom ratios it makes it near impossible to attend to the individual. It’s a huge reason why home schooling has become so popular.
Our tutoring model flips this traditional model on its head.
We focus first on connecting –then content. Our approach allows us to learn about their world, engage them in discussions around important events, intentionally remembering what they shared at a previous session and follow up the next time we see them – could be the prom last weekend, the death of a relative, sick pet or a friend they are worried about or their driving test they had coming up! Connecting with the student is more about their emotional world than the math papers or Spanish homework they bring with them. We work on building trust – providing safety and kindness – a warm welcome – and then approach the content that needs attention. In these moments of purposeful connection students receive their birthright: to be seen, wanted, welcomed, and given too. Learning can be exponentially faster. We see it all the time!
Once those emotional pieces have been noticed and attended too, more bandwidth is available for the work to be done. Caring for their concerns creates an incredible space for improved attention and processing. Students can complete MORE than they expected, move AHEAD in the content so they’re ready when new concepts are taught and have a huge BOOST in confidence that promotes shifts in every other class.
Connection first! Connection before content™ – every time, every student. On purpose.